This year has had it’s share of ups and downs. From the stress of trying to find another job to the worry of family problems to the great summer beach trip with awesome friends. None of the downs compared to when my life changed and one of my biggest fears became a real life nightmare. I remember the exact moment I found out as if it happened just moments ago. It often plays over and over in my head, my mind unable to snap out of it. Honestly, I don’t think it’ll ever completely sink in and I won’t fully accept it. For a while, I didn’t want to do anything that required getting up and not eating junk food. However, the support system I had didn’t allow me to do that (most times). Which leads me to why I’m writing.

This week is Thanksgiving week. A time where we’re supposed to give thanks. I personally think we should be thankful everyday and always be grateful for what we have. I make it a thing to constantly remind myself that even though times can get difficult and things aren’t going right, I am still blessed in many ways. When my brother first passed away, I didn’t understand why (and still don’t). It was as if nothing made sense anymore and I was lost. But, as with every tough obstacle, I needed to find my way through it. I needed to keep telling myself that I still have amazing things in my life. With every negative thing, there is a positive. Even if you don’t know what that positive thing is, make it a mission to find it. To come across a mountain is one thing, but to turn around and walk away is another. With that said, I wanted to say some things that I am thankful for as of late.

I am thankful for my loving, selfless mother. I live to make her happy and strive to be my best for her. For all the sacrifices she’s made for me and my brothers, I will do the same for her. Because of her, I kept my head up after our loss.

I am thankful for my boyfriend. For his patience with me when I get in my “moods”. For taking care of me after my brother passed. For always trying to put a smile on my face, even if it means acting a fool.

I am thankful for AN and ZM. For making sure I was fed, always asking if I ate, and constantly asking how I was doing. AN for giving me nonstop support and not judging me…as weird as I can get.

I am thankful for my lovely roommates and the fact that we get along with each other so well. For the nights we sit talking about whatever and laughing at each other. For the respect we give each other and the beautiful home we share.

I am thankful for all of my friends that sent their well wishes and love my way after my brother passed. For being a great support system when I needed it the most. For making my heart swell up knowing that I had multiple shoulders to lean on if needed.

I am thankful for the job that I am about to leave after 5 years. Even though a lot has changed within the company and it has been a struggle to get out, I am still thankful because it gave me a paycheck and taught me a lot. It gave me experience in different aspects, which helped me get a new job. Which is another thing I am thankful for.

I can’t imagine how this Thanksgiving will go without my brother. I know it will be a sad time and a happy time all at once. My mom, older brother, and I get to spend it with my bf’s family for the first time and for that I am grateful. So as this year is coming to a close, I think about all of the things I wish I could’ve done differently. But, we cannot dwell in the past. Hopefully 2014 will be a heck of a year with more unforgettable moments to cherish.